October 24, 2007

Hits Win!!!

Just kidding, we got killed.

I don't even know what the score was, but we lost by a lot. And we didn't even play poorly, they just hit the crap out of the ball and didn't' make any errors. Generally, we need the other team to commit a lot of errors for us to have a chance.

I thought we made great contact at the plate, but we have an uncanny knack for hitting right to people. The Luck Dragons did not return the favor as they had us running all over the field and taking turns throwing the ball over each other's heads.

On the plus side, one of their players dented another one of their player's cars with a towering foul ball to the parking lot.

I think the final score was like 14-3...and it wouldn't have been that close if we hadn't called in a ringer, Melody, from the Thursday night Slugs. Melody, the game ball winner, drove in two runs and had a nice assist in the outfield as a flyball bounced off her mitt and into Coach Nick's.

This game possibly marked Dustin's last appearance as a Solid Gold Hitter as he will no longer live in the area come next season. We're gonna have to try to convince him to fly in for games.

The post-game festivities were highlighted by Mets' Jersey Guy from Majority Rules showing up late to his game wearing a snappy outfit consisting of what appeared to be acid-washed jeans pulled right on up to his ample man-bosoms paired with a yellow t-shirt, rope belt and top-siders. While we kept the heckling to a minimum, there were many jokes made at his expense. Can't wait to play those effers next season.

So we've got one game left and it's another stupid 9:30 game. We'll be taking on the Bulldogs with our pride on the line. If we can salvage a victory against them at least we'll enter the off-season with a little bit of our dignity intact....not that we had a lot to begin with.

We will probably have a little pre-game gathering to keep us awake for the game, so stay tuned for more info on that.

October 16, 2007

Majority Rules: The Worst Team Ever

Ok, so we lost again. I don't even care. At least we play the game the right way.

Majority Rules defeated us tonight, but they sacrificed whatever shred of dignity they had left to do so. In what has to be a D-League first, they won on two walks in the last inning. They refuse to swing the bat.


Joe DiMaggio is spinning in his grave. I can guarantee you that he had to swing the bat occassionally to hit in 56 games straight games. According to my records, the sissy-ballers on Majority Rules have hit in zero straight games because, and I've mentioned this before, they refuse to swing the bat.

The game was not without its highlights for us though. Co-game ball winner, Julie V., made a great catch behind homeplate and Zep had a great 2-RBI hit. Coach Nick also pulled in co-ownership of the game ball for not giving into the the urge to get into a pissing match with a team that, and perhaps you've heard this about them, refuses to swing the bat.


This was our last game with these jackholes this season, but next time around I suggest that we just give them the victory in exchange for them swinging the bat. If winning a battle for last place in D-League Co-ed softball is so important to them that they will take a million decent pitches in an effort to score more runs, then I say we just give them the "W" before we even start, but we allow no walks in the game.


Personally, I don't care if we win or lose, but I know it's not any fun to stand there and watch a softball, pitched slowly, bounce on the ground. There are much better places to be at 10pm on a tuesday night than watching bozos not swing a bat. In my opinion, they didn't beat us at softball, they beat us at walking around a diamond shape. Why do they even bring a bat?


But we're done with them. Next week, we play a team that swings the bat quite often and quite well, The Luck Dragons. And we get to play at a decent hour (6:30). Hope you can make it, if for no other reason than to give the ol' stinkeye to Majority Rules who, if you haven't heard, refuse to swing the bat.


For the record, even though its namesake team makes Joe DiMaggio sad, I still support the concept of majority rules as a tenet of our society.

October 10, 2007

The Streak Continues

The losing streak that is.

After falling 9-7 to the stupid Bulldogs last night, the Solid Gold Hits have now dropped four straight games. While this is somewhat of a disappointment, it should be mentioned that all the games have been win-able, but for some reason we just couldn't pull it off. I blame Santa Claus.

We really didn't play bad so I'm not really sure how we manged to lose. We just made our mistakes at the wrong times, I guess.

Here are the highlights:

* Lisa displays some unconventional, but overall effective, fielding methods at second base. She kept two hard grounders in front of her by cleverly bouncing the ball off her foot. Another, she didn't hassle with actually putting the ball into her mitt, but rather just nudged the ball towards the shortstop as he covered second for the out. Well done.

* The game ended on another play started by Lisa at second which was quite possibly the Play of the Year. It was an improbable, all-female, double-play that involved Lisa fielding the grounder and tossing it to Amber at first for out number one and then Amber zinging it across the diamond to Sonya who applied the tag on the greedy runner coming from second for out number two. I'm guessing the runner figured there was no way that a Co-ed D-league all-girl double play (or CEDLAGDP) was even possible. Can you blame him? We usually have a hard time just fielding the ball cleanly and then you never know what kind of circus is going to break out when the throw is attempted. This play involved not only a cleanly fielded ball, but two solid throws, two solid catches and one fantastic tag. It just goes to show ya that, in a season filled with sporadic fielding, there is always a chance that the planets will align and something magical will happen...like a CEDLAGDP.

* Game ball winner, Aimee, smashed a legitimate double to left field effectively putting her boyfriend and all the other men on our team to shame. She also made several gallant efforts in the outfield on some extremely difficult fly balls. It should be mentioned that, for the first time, the game ball was not delicious, cinnaminny, Goldschlager, but questionable Bacardi Gold rum. A much tougher shot which Aimee did not choose to immediately drink down even though a precedent was set a few weeks back. Anyhow, if any of you see the tiny bottles of Goldschlager (I went to three BevMos) please stock up.

* From the "Avenging Jessica" Department, we had at least three decent shots at breaking their female second baseman's rib, but failed on both attempts. Coach Nick had two attempts, once refusing to slide and not making contact and the other sliding beautifully, but still not making contact. Ric had the closest play at second, but also failed to take her out. Why must we be such good sports? We really need to suck it up and start intentionally hurting innocent girls. C'mon!

So the Hits have fallen to 1-4, but we get one more shot at each team and reaching .500 is still a possibility. Next week is another 9:30 game and we're playing The Team that Doesn't Swing, so get ready.

October 03, 2007

A Heartbreaker

The Luck Dragons got a little payback last night as they did to us exactly what we did to them in Week 1...only they didn't look as good doing it.

Pre-game beers fueled the Solid Gold Hits early surge. The balls were flying off our bats and, unencumbered by sobriety, we ran wild on the basepaths on our way to an 11-5 lead. Then, as the buzz died off, a series of great hits from the Luck Dragons really harshed our mellow.

In a saddening 4th inning, which I'd rather not talk about, the Dragons came back to tie. Then, despite a valiant effort, they scored the winning run in the bottom of the 5th.

Here are the highlights:

* Game ball winner, Dustin, made a few fantastic catches in the outfield. On one, he was just running a full-on sprint with his arm out and somehow he managed to get the ball in the tip of his glove. The Dragons have some great hitters and we would've lost by a lot more if not for speedy Dustin in the outfield. This is proof that is pays off to show up to the games 5 hours early to run drills.

* Lisa, as a "courtesy runner" for the injured (but toughing it out admirably) Heather, scored all the way from first base on a routine ball to the outfield. How courteous is that?

* Hillary had a great hit which kept our beer-fueled rally going strong in the 2nd inning.

*KC was the first person to get dirty as he barrelled into to home plate greedily trying to stretch a triple into a homer. He was out, but it was still awesome.

* Poor Sonya, who I feel terrible for, had to pitch again and, once again, did a much better job than the rest of us could have done. I think I'm gonna give her a break next week. This isn't really highlight, but I thought I'd mention it.

Ok, I guess that's it. Next week, we have our rematch with the Bulldogs (7:30). They're the ones that hurt Jessica so we'd better bring our A game.

Oh, and we're in last place now, but we can still turn things around. Here are the standings:

1. The Luck Dragons 3-1
2. The Bulldogs 2-1-1
3. Majority Rules 1-2-1
4. Solid Gold Hits 1-3

September 26, 2007

Another Bummer

The Solid Gold Hits had another rough one last night, but at least we didn't play like big sissies.

Even though we ended up losing 10-6, it was a much more respectable 10-6 loss than the one we experienced last week. This time around, we were mush more consistently offensively even though we hardly got to bat because the team refused to swing the bat. And if Majority Rules hadn't been so picky at the plate, we probably would've won. But they chose to, in effect, "run out the clock" once they got the lead. They took perfectly good pitches and seemed to bat forever. Out of the 1 hour game, I'm gonna say that they were batting for 58 minutes.

Game ball winner, Sonya, powered through Majority Rules' reluctance to swing and only walked a few sissy batters that should've been swinging anyhow.

Here are the highlights:

1) In a real mess of a play, Julie V. eventually ended up tagging a guy out at the plate...or at least near the plate. He came rounding third and the ball went to Julie who initially failed to tag the runner for the force out, but the runner also failed to touch home plate. It was a real battle of futility. No call was made by the ump, then a safe call was made, then Julie tagged the guy somewhere near the parking lot and then he was called out. I'm still not sure what was going on, but we got the out, so whatever.

2) Julie V. (again) perfectly blocked a ball thrown to home plate from the outfield. It looked like it hurt, but she took one for the team and saved a run from coming home.

3) Heather went down with a leg injury, but showed tremendous heart as she tried to run to first base with one functional leg. It was pretty much the most painful run to first I've ever seen. Even though she was out and even though she probably shouldn't have been trying to run for risk of making the injury worse and never being able to walk again, it was still an awesome show of dedication to the team.

4) Big hits...errr solid gold hits from Aimee, Paul, Lisa and probably some others, that helped us come back and take the lead after getting down early. Lisa also had a nifty semi-collision at third base which was pretty solid. Our girls were really going all out this game.

5) The new jerseys were amazing. To see us all out there, under the lights with those yellow beauties was truly a sight to behold. Now let's try not to ruin them in wash...or just don't wash them.

So we're 1-2 now, but there's still a lot season left. We're back up against the Luck Dragons next week and I feel another victory coming on. Also, since it's a 9:30 game, we will have a pre-game gathering of some kind. Stay tuned.

September 19, 2007

A Bump in the Road

Stupid Bulldogs.

After starting the game with one of our best innings ever, The Solid Gold Hits' bats went silent and we ended up losing 10-6.

The Hits were up 5-0 after the first inning, an inning which featured the first 7 batters getting on base safely. At this point we figured we were pretty much the best team ever. Turns out, we're just as mediocre as we've always been.

The next few innings were not pretty. We only managed to score one more run and we didn't communicate on defense so we were regularly getting in each other's way and throwing the ball to the wrong base. But, really, isn't that what D League softball is all about?

So we lost. We're still a respectable 1-1 and we still get two more shots at the Bulldogs this season. We're gonna be ok.

Here are the Game 2 highlights:

1) A dude from the Bulldogs fouled a ball all the way to 59th St. which almost hit what I think was a police car. Luckily the driver must have been a regular in the neighborhood as they were prepared to brake to avoid getting hit. Also, they stopped the car and fetched the ball for us.

2) Jessica earned herself a game ball not for her usual great defense or potent hitting, but for sacrificing her body for the team and experiencing the best collision on the field the Hits have ever seen. As she was covering second base, an out of control Bulldog came crashing into her, knocking her off her feet, spinning her around like a pinwheel a few times and crashing her to the ground with a frightening thud. Since it was pretty much the scariest thing that's ever happened, we all ran up to her to find her gasping for breath, but still managing to announce that her career was over. Turns out, it wasn't. After catching her breath she returned to her position and promptly fielded the next ball for a successful put out. The crowd went crazy. She also deserves another game ball for being the first person to immediately drink their game ball upon receiving it. Kudos to you, Jess. Way to set an example for the others.

3) This game featured amazing fan support. Many of these fans were shorter, younger people who were hepped up on a sugarbuzz. They had real and actual organized cheers. I didn't see it coming either. And, in an amazing display of self-control, they only requested a pitcher as opposed to a belly itcher one time...and to be fair, that girl was totally a belly itcher.

Welp, see you all next week at 7:30 as we take on Majority Rules.

September 12, 2007

Winners!!!

Woo Hoo!

The Solid Gold Hits have finally defeated the Luck Dragons!

With a stunning last-inning comeback the Hits emerged with a 9-8 victory to start the season in sole possession of first place (the other two teams in our league tied).

The Hits got contributions from everyone, but let me highlight a few of our finer moments.

Linda, who was reluctant to play, surprised herself by hitting the ball well, getting on base and doing an excellent job as a first-time catcher.

Dustin, Chris and yours truly, came through with an amazing relay from deep, deep, deep center field to get a guy out at the plate on the longest hit I've ever seen in Co-ed D League.

Lisa had a spectacular two-RBI hit over the left fielder's head and then came around to score herself. And, unlike her brother, did NOT embarrass her family by having a groundball bounce painfully off her knee.

And, finally, Hillary who showed masterful patience at the plate when she watched four bad pitches go by for the most important walk in Solid Gold Hits history... or at least since Dustin's walk against the Bulldogs last year. Her free pass set up the last-inning, game-winning hit and earned her a tiny bottle of Goldschlager which she will never drink.

Speaking of the dreaded Bulldogs, we play them at 8:30 next week. I can't stress enough how important it is to start carbo-loading immediately.

September 06, 2007

Introducing the Solid Gold Hits!

Here it is - the official roster of your Solid Gold Hits for Fall League 2007.

Nick L. - 4th season
Amber B. - 2nd season
Kristi F. - 4th season
Dustin T. - 4th season
Sonya B. - 4th season
Heather P. - rookie
Julie V. - 4th season
Aimee C. - 2nd season
Ric M. - 2nd season
KC McC.-2nd season
Greg E. - rookie
Lisa N. - 4th season
Chris N. - 4th season
Hugh G. - 2nd season
Paul M. - rookie
Hillary B. - 4th season (as a fan)
Brett F. - 4th season
Zep S. - 4th season
Jessica W. - 2nd season

And on-call ringers: Linda E., Chris C. and Erik V.


Roster Breakdown

SCVB employees: 12

Significant others of SCVB employees: 7

Sons of SCVB employees: 1

Post-game drinkers: 15

Pre-game drinkers: 16

People who like 9:30 games: 4

People who smell funny: 4

People who think Road House is the best movie ever made: 1

People who think Red Dawn is the second best movie ever made: 1

People who think Point Break is right up there on the list too: 1

People who think Patirck Swayze is pretty much the best actor ever: 1

People against whom Patrick Swayze has a restraining order: 1

People who have stopped reading at this point: 20+

Fall Schedule Released!

Remember last season when all our games were at 6:30 or 7:30 and how we all hated 7:30 games because they were too late in the evening? Well, I hope you're ready to do a whole bunch of whining because we have three (count'em, three) 9:30 games this time around. I know this is well past many of our beddy-bye times, but luckily there is no rule agiasnt wearing your jammy-jams in the outfield.

Let's take a look at this season's competition.

THE LUCK DRAGONS
The Luck Dragons have the distinction of being the only team in the league that the Solid Gold Hits have not yet defeated. They were the ones that we had that ridiculous tie with and they were the ones that robbed us of a championship by beating us the the last game of the season. This season we'll get three more chances to beat them including the season opener on Tuesday.

THE BULLDOGS
Thanks to our end of season choke job, the Bulldogs were the champs last time around. Last season both of our games against the Bulldogs featured us getting behind early and then making amazing comebacks. One comeback brought us victory, the other brought us a respectable 6-run loss. Anyhow, they are sure to be contender's again this season and we'll face them three times.

MAJORITY RULES
These guys could be the X-factor. Last season we beat them twice, but once was by forfeit and the other was with them down a player. Apparently, many of them work at the Capitol and they have a hard time getting to games on time. However, with the later games this season, there's a good chance they'll actually show up. This could make them tougher to beat.

Welp, here's the schedule:
Sep. 11 - 7:30 vs. Luck Dragons
Sep. 18 - 8:30 vs. Bulldogs
Sep. 25 - 7:30 vs. Majority Rules
Oct. 2 - 9:30 vs. Luck Dragons
Oct. 9 - 7:30 vs. Bulldogs
Oct. 16 - 9:30 vs. Majority Rules
Oct. 23 - 6:30 vs. Luck Dragons
Oct. 30 - 9:30 vs. Bulldogs

September 05, 2007

Solid Gold Hits Ride Again

After much nagging and goading by the coach, the Solid Gold hits have reemerged for another exciting season of Coed D-League softball.

I just attended another thrilling pre-season coaches' meeting and I learned a few interesting things:

1) Our league has 4 teams in it this season - all of them were in our league last time including the rival Bulldogs and the Luck Dragons who spoiled our chance at a championship last time around.

2) No bye weeks!

3) There is another league playing the same night as us and get this: they are worse than us...at least in theory. We are in D1 league and they are D2 league. If my math is correct, that makes us one better.

4) Here's the bad part. With two divisions playing on the same night at the same field it means some games will have later start times. But who doesn't want to be playing softball at 10pm the day before Halloween?

I'll post the whole schedule soon, but for now all you need to know is that we start Tuesday (the 11th) at 7:30 against the Luck Dragons...or as I call them "those jackholes that beat us in our last game."

See you there!

And check back here for more excitign pre-season info.