After missing a week due to the whole lighting fiasco, the Solid Gold Hits will resume their 2008 spring campaign as they attempt to make April fools out of the Luck Dragons.
Let's take a look at our history against these rivals.
Last Spring:
Game 1 - Played to a tie after the umps gave the Luck Dragons extra strikes, outs and other freebies.
Game 2 - Hits cracked under the pressure as they failed to secure the league championship.
Last Fall:
Game 3 - The Hits handed the Suck Dragons their only loss of the season by way of timely hitting and amazing plays at the plate.
Game 4 - Hits crumbled in the late innings as the Luck Dragons lived up to their name and lucked into an 12-11 victory.
Game 5 - I'd rather not talk about Game 5.
That brings our record against the Luck Dragons to a slightly less than respectable 1-3-1, but when you consider that 3 of those games were decided by 1 run and a fourth was a tie, we're right there with them...as long as we stick to the "let's not talk about game 5" policy.
The off-season has seen the Luck Dragons do an awful lot of bragging and a whole bunch of wearing their championship fleeces to events where such fashions are commonly inappropriate.
Well, now it's our turn to be inappropriate! I'm not even really sure what I meant by that, but the important thing is that we get up for Tuesday night's big game.
March 28, 2008
March 26, 2008
Bee Reader Recommends "Tude Tune-up" for Hits' Coach
The comments section at http://www.sacbee.com/ is always an entertaining read, but this week it had a personal touch.
Following Ed Fletcher's story about our stolen wires in which the Luck Dragons bragged at winning streaks and beating us without the lights, Coach Nick to the liberty of leaving the following comment:
The Luck Dragons
Suck Dragons is more like it. We'll settle this on the field...you know, once the lights are fixed.
Luckily, for those of us who enjoy laughing at the sincerity of others, there are a lot of people out there that have no idea when a tongue has been placed in a cheek.
Bee reader "mcbfarm" took it upon himself point out the errors of Coach Nick's ways. I had orginally hoped that it was just one of our fellow Tahoe Park softballers joining in the good-natured fun, but I just don't think it is. Here's what was written:
Coach Nick Needs 'Tude Tune-up
I've played D-league softball for 20 years, men's and coed, and start up again on Monday. Our rival teams come from West Sac, Vacaville, Davis, whatever. But nowhen (sic) does it get to "settling", or punk insults. Competition should bring out your best play, or focus -- I know when we play the teams we've been in the league with forever... Maybe Tahoe Park needs softball to avoid gang warfare, I don't know about that. Maybe you need to look at this vandalism and realize that the teams are in this together. The State budget is about to take a bite out of every public thing -- you might need to "settle" with Prop. 13...
Thank you for showing me the light, mcbfarm. And trust me, when we play this "Prop 13" team we will settle with them too.
You can see the comments in all their original glory by clicking here.
Following Ed Fletcher's story about our stolen wires in which the Luck Dragons bragged at winning streaks and beating us without the lights, Coach Nick to the liberty of leaving the following comment:
The Luck Dragons
Suck Dragons is more like it. We'll settle this on the field...you know, once the lights are fixed.
Luckily, for those of us who enjoy laughing at the sincerity of others, there are a lot of people out there that have no idea when a tongue has been placed in a cheek.
Bee reader "mcbfarm" took it upon himself point out the errors of Coach Nick's ways. I had orginally hoped that it was just one of our fellow Tahoe Park softballers joining in the good-natured fun, but I just don't think it is. Here's what was written:
Coach Nick Needs 'Tude Tune-up
I've played D-league softball for 20 years, men's and coed, and start up again on Monday. Our rival teams come from West Sac, Vacaville, Davis, whatever. But nowhen (sic) does it get to "settling", or punk insults. Competition should bring out your best play, or focus -- I know when we play the teams we've been in the league with forever... Maybe Tahoe Park needs softball to avoid gang warfare, I don't know about that. Maybe you need to look at this vandalism and realize that the teams are in this together. The State budget is about to take a bite out of every public thing -- you might need to "settle" with Prop. 13...
Thank you for showing me the light, mcbfarm. And trust me, when we play this "Prop 13" team we will settle with them too.
You can see the comments in all their original glory by clicking here.
March 25, 2008
Co-ed D League in the News
The crime of the century has been thrust into the public eye by way of Ed Fletcher's hard-nosed journalistic piece in today's Sacramento Bee.
Since some of us know Ed and he wants to keep his journalistic integrity, it was decided that the Luck Dragons would be an appropriate team to interview. Of course the Luck Dragons took this metaphorical softball which was lobbed at them and knocked it out of the park by using this tragedy to promote themselves instead of showing concern for the league as a whole.
They bragged about their eight game winning streak and about how they could beat us even without lights. I can't believe I grilled wieners for these people!
If ESPN has taught me anything it's that when one team gets quoted in the paper bragging about themselves that's called "bulletin board material." I guess the way it works is that I'll clip out the article and put it up on our company bulletin board and this constant reminder of what jackholes the Luck Dragons are will provide the internal power to compensate for our general lack of skills and bring us victory next week.
Just like those Daphne's coupons that were up there motivated us to eat Greek for lunch, this will have the same effect. The $5 gyro was totally just foreshadowing.
The weak link here is that none of us ever read the bulletin board. Did you know there are still job postings up there? And our mission statement? Who reads this stuff?
Anyhow, when the actual softballs are lobbed next week we best bring our A-game. The Luck Dragons are askin' for it.
Since some of us know Ed and he wants to keep his journalistic integrity, it was decided that the Luck Dragons would be an appropriate team to interview. Of course the Luck Dragons took this metaphorical softball which was lobbed at them and knocked it out of the park by using this tragedy to promote themselves instead of showing concern for the league as a whole.
They bragged about their eight game winning streak and about how they could beat us even without lights. I can't believe I grilled wieners for these people!
If ESPN has taught me anything it's that when one team gets quoted in the paper bragging about themselves that's called "bulletin board material." I guess the way it works is that I'll clip out the article and put it up on our company bulletin board and this constant reminder of what jackholes the Luck Dragons are will provide the internal power to compensate for our general lack of skills and bring us victory next week.
Just like those Daphne's coupons that were up there motivated us to eat Greek for lunch, this will have the same effect. The $5 gyro was totally just foreshadowing.
The weak link here is that none of us ever read the bulletin board. Did you know there are still job postings up there? And our mission statement? Who reads this stuff?
Anyhow, when the actual softballs are lobbed next week we best bring our A-game. The Luck Dragons are askin' for it.
March 22, 2008
Tuesday's Game Cancelled
Our Tuesday night match with Old Skool has been cancelled. Well, maybe postponed is a better word for it as it will eventually be made up.
In the biggest crime on the softball field since our loss to Majority Rules, someone vandalized the lights at the field and stole all the wiring. Now, I don't want to accuse anyone of the crime, but I'm pretty sure Old Skool is behind this whole thing. What better way to get in more practice time before playing the Solid Gold Hits than by stealing the wires to the lights?
Actually, my first idea to catch the criminals was simply to drive around and find someone putting up new stadium lights in their backyard, but apparently I was way off base.
I guess copper wire is a valuable commodity. You can actually take old copper wire to a recycling center and get like $3 a pound for it.
$3 a pound!
Upon learning this, I immediately began scheming. After doing the research, I learned that a penny weighs approximately .005 pounds. So 200 pennies - two dollars at face value - weighs in at one pound. So, in theory, you could take your two dollar pound of pennies to the copper recycler and walk out of there with three dollars! Sure, it's not worth it for one dollar, but what if you have a whole bucket full of pennies? To quote Z when that poor girl struck out "Cha-ching!"
Unfortunately, my research also revealed that today's modern pennies are made of 97.5% zinc which, and yes I looked into it in a desperate attempt to keep the dream alive, only comes in at about 35 cents a pound at the recycler. I was shattered.
Anyhow, the point is that we don't have a game this Tuesday and that I wouldn't be surprised if you saw a weighed down Old Skool team bus headed to the copper recyclers.
We'll resume the season on April Fool's Day at 8:30pm versus our old rivals, the Luck Dragons...who, it should be mentioned, think they're better than us.
In the biggest crime on the softball field since our loss to Majority Rules, someone vandalized the lights at the field and stole all the wiring. Now, I don't want to accuse anyone of the crime, but I'm pretty sure Old Skool is behind this whole thing. What better way to get in more practice time before playing the Solid Gold Hits than by stealing the wires to the lights?
Actually, my first idea to catch the criminals was simply to drive around and find someone putting up new stadium lights in their backyard, but apparently I was way off base.
I guess copper wire is a valuable commodity. You can actually take old copper wire to a recycling center and get like $3 a pound for it.
$3 a pound!
Upon learning this, I immediately began scheming. After doing the research, I learned that a penny weighs approximately .005 pounds. So 200 pennies - two dollars at face value - weighs in at one pound. So, in theory, you could take your two dollar pound of pennies to the copper recycler and walk out of there with three dollars! Sure, it's not worth it for one dollar, but what if you have a whole bucket full of pennies? To quote Z when that poor girl struck out "Cha-ching!"
Unfortunately, my research also revealed that today's modern pennies are made of 97.5% zinc which, and yes I looked into it in a desperate attempt to keep the dream alive, only comes in at about 35 cents a pound at the recycler. I was shattered.
Anyhow, the point is that we don't have a game this Tuesday and that I wouldn't be surprised if you saw a weighed down Old Skool team bus headed to the copper recyclers.
We'll resume the season on April Fool's Day at 8:30pm versus our old rivals, the Luck Dragons...who, it should be mentioned, think they're better than us.
March 19, 2008
Hits Notch Win #1
Powered by celery sticks, Capri-Sun and Big League Chew the Solid Gold Hits coasted to our first victory of the season. The 9-4 victory over the the West Coast Builders brought the Hits back up to the .500 mark and into shared possession of 2nd place.
Highlights of game #2 included:
* Betsy K. taking Team Momming to a whole new level with celery sticks, peanut butter, raisins, aerosol cheese in a can and Capri-Suns. Absolutely amazing.
* A female West Coast Builder doing a superfluous, head-first, belly flop slide into first base. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before and unlike anything I will ever see again.
* Z making a cash register sound (cha-ching!) in left field after one of the West Coast Builders least talented females, who clearly had never played ball before, struck out swinging. It was basically like gloating after arm wrestling a baby, but if we can't pick on those weaker than us then what have we got?
* Dawn B. bringing home the game ball in her Solid Gold Hits debut in which she already showed dramatic improvement by not wearing jeans. Welcome aboard, Dawn!
* Hillary B. hustling to score all the way from second on a hit to left field.
* Hit for a night, Ed F., getting psyched out by the razzing from his own dugout and striking out.
* Matt R. in his pitching debut for the Hits doing a heck of a job. Sure, he let up more runs and hits to the WCBs in the first inning than they had all of their previous game, but whatever.
It turns out that the only thing the West Coast Builders are building is a reputation as the worst team in the league. After their 17-0 embarrassment at the hands of the Luck Dragons last week, they are probably feeling pretty good about themselves for only losing 9-4 to us. Of course, unlike those hearltess Luck Dragons, we were just too kind to pile on more runs. Also unlike the Luck Dragons, we've been on the other end of games like this too many times.
Next week we play at 7:30pm against another unknown team, Old Skool. If they play as poorly as they spell then we are in luck.
Oh and a big thanks to Julie V. for securing victory breakfast pizza in this morning!
Highlights of game #2 included:
* Betsy K. taking Team Momming to a whole new level with celery sticks, peanut butter, raisins, aerosol cheese in a can and Capri-Suns. Absolutely amazing.
* A female West Coast Builder doing a superfluous, head-first, belly flop slide into first base. It was unlike anything I had ever seen before and unlike anything I will ever see again.
* Z making a cash register sound (cha-ching!) in left field after one of the West Coast Builders least talented females, who clearly had never played ball before, struck out swinging. It was basically like gloating after arm wrestling a baby, but if we can't pick on those weaker than us then what have we got?
* Dawn B. bringing home the game ball in her Solid Gold Hits debut in which she already showed dramatic improvement by not wearing jeans. Welcome aboard, Dawn!
* Hillary B. hustling to score all the way from second on a hit to left field.
* Hit for a night, Ed F., getting psyched out by the razzing from his own dugout and striking out.
* Matt R. in his pitching debut for the Hits doing a heck of a job. Sure, he let up more runs and hits to the WCBs in the first inning than they had all of their previous game, but whatever.
It turns out that the only thing the West Coast Builders are building is a reputation as the worst team in the league. After their 17-0 embarrassment at the hands of the Luck Dragons last week, they are probably feeling pretty good about themselves for only losing 9-4 to us. Of course, unlike those hearltess Luck Dragons, we were just too kind to pile on more runs. Also unlike the Luck Dragons, we've been on the other end of games like this too many times.
Next week we play at 7:30pm against another unknown team, Old Skool. If they play as poorly as they spell then we are in luck.
Oh and a big thanks to Julie V. for securing victory breakfast pizza in this morning!
March 12, 2008
Hits Stumble Out of the Gate
Stupid Bulldogs.
Turns out the mysterious "The Bureau" team is actually just a revamped version of our old rivals, the Bulldogs. The only difference is that now they are really, really good. More accurately, they are really, really good again since they were a top-tier team last spring before things went downhill for them.
The Solid Gold Hits welcomed a few new players to the squad for this game and they did not disappoint. Terry showed up with a totally tricked out version of our jersey with a baseball logo, olde English font and a nickname, "Striker," on the back. Our other newcomer, Matt, pleased everyone with his ramshackle running of the bases, nearly hurting himself on numerous occasions. That's the kind of foundation the Hits are built on.
The Solid Gold Hits who, it should be mentioned, had very poor performance at the annual practice, took a few innings to shake off their winter rust. Really, the first 3 innings were basically the team's Spring Training and the Hits found themselves down 9-0.
The Bulldogs defense was pretty much perfect. Unlike our team, they caught the ball when it was hit to them, threw the ball to the proper base and didn't over and/or under throw their targets every single time. But that was only for the first three innings.
In the second half of the game, we pulled it together. Game ball winner, Zep, came through with the Hits' first RBI of season when he doubled in Terry and Matt. He followed that up by getting reprimanded by the umpire for "verbal interference." Basically, Zep yelled something while the other team was attempting to catch the ball.
When Alex Rodriguez did a similar thing in a real and actual MLB game, he did not suffer any punishment other than players and millions of fans referring to his actions as "bush league." And since we actually do play in the bush league, I couldn't very well justify punishing Zep, so he still got the game ball.
Anyhow, after Zep broke the seal, runs poured in. This new found offense combined with Sonya's excellent pitching allowed us to make it look respectable with a 9-5 loss.
I'd also like to thank the Team Mom Committee which crowned a new queen when Betsy stepped up to pre-order pizza for the post game party. Nice work, Betsy!
So next week, we will try to redeem ourselves at 8:30 against a team that put zero effort into coming up with a creative name, the West Coast Builders.
Turns out the mysterious "The Bureau" team is actually just a revamped version of our old rivals, the Bulldogs. The only difference is that now they are really, really good. More accurately, they are really, really good again since they were a top-tier team last spring before things went downhill for them.
The Solid Gold Hits welcomed a few new players to the squad for this game and they did not disappoint. Terry showed up with a totally tricked out version of our jersey with a baseball logo, olde English font and a nickname, "Striker," on the back. Our other newcomer, Matt, pleased everyone with his ramshackle running of the bases, nearly hurting himself on numerous occasions. That's the kind of foundation the Hits are built on.
The Solid Gold Hits who, it should be mentioned, had very poor performance at the annual practice, took a few innings to shake off their winter rust. Really, the first 3 innings were basically the team's Spring Training and the Hits found themselves down 9-0.
The Bulldogs defense was pretty much perfect. Unlike our team, they caught the ball when it was hit to them, threw the ball to the proper base and didn't over and/or under throw their targets every single time. But that was only for the first three innings.
In the second half of the game, we pulled it together. Game ball winner, Zep, came through with the Hits' first RBI of season when he doubled in Terry and Matt. He followed that up by getting reprimanded by the umpire for "verbal interference." Basically, Zep yelled something while the other team was attempting to catch the ball.
When Alex Rodriguez did a similar thing in a real and actual MLB game, he did not suffer any punishment other than players and millions of fans referring to his actions as "bush league." And since we actually do play in the bush league, I couldn't very well justify punishing Zep, so he still got the game ball.
Anyhow, after Zep broke the seal, runs poured in. This new found offense combined with Sonya's excellent pitching allowed us to make it look respectable with a 9-5 loss.
I'd also like to thank the Team Mom Committee which crowned a new queen when Betsy stepped up to pre-order pizza for the post game party. Nice work, Betsy!
So next week, we will try to redeem ourselves at 8:30 against a team that put zero effort into coming up with a creative name, the West Coast Builders.
March 10, 2008
Opening Night Preview
The new season is upon us.
Tomorrow night, the 2008 version of the Solid Gold Hits will debut against a team unacceptably named "The Bureau." If they are any bureau other than the FBI, I am going to insist that they change their name if we beat them. And, yes, by FBI I mean "Female Body Inspectors." Man, I love novelty t-shirts.
Anyhow, I have a feeling that attendance for this first game will be through the roof since it's opening night, it's a 6:30 game, the weather will be nice and nobody is bored with the season yet.
If you can remember back to October, we are riding a stunning 1-game winning streak and I'm sure we will carry that momentum right into this opening game.
I encourage all players to show up at 6...especially since most of you missed practice and probably need to re-learn how to throw a ball.
Fans and well-wishers, I encourage you to show up early too to get good seats. Just kidding, you can pretty much roll in any time you like.
The park is at 59th St & 8th Ave.
See you there!
Tomorrow night, the 2008 version of the Solid Gold Hits will debut against a team unacceptably named "The Bureau." If they are any bureau other than the FBI, I am going to insist that they change their name if we beat them. And, yes, by FBI I mean "Female Body Inspectors." Man, I love novelty t-shirts.
Anyhow, I have a feeling that attendance for this first game will be through the roof since it's opening night, it's a 6:30 game, the weather will be nice and nobody is bored with the season yet.
If you can remember back to October, we are riding a stunning 1-game winning streak and I'm sure we will carry that momentum right into this opening game.
I encourage all players to show up at 6...especially since most of you missed practice and probably need to re-learn how to throw a ball.
Fans and well-wishers, I encourage you to show up early too to get good seats. Just kidding, you can pretty much roll in any time you like.
The park is at 59th St & 8th Ave.
See you there!
2008 Solid Gold Hits Pitching Rotation
Pitching is the most vital part of Slow-pitch softball. Getting that ball over that stupid little plate is not an easy task. And if you don't find someone who can get the ball somewhere in the vicinity of the plate on a fairly consistent basis the game quickly changes from "softball" to simply "watching people walk around." Specifically, they walk around in a diamond shape and score things called "runs." Then we all get bored and cry.
Anyhow, the Solid Gold Hits have an excellent staff this season. Here are the scouting reports on this year's pitching rotation.
1. Sonya B. - Steady workhorse of the staff who has carried us to some of our most impressive wins and muddled through some of our most embarrassing defeats. I like having a female pitcher, so she'll see plenty of time on the mound this season...especially since I know she's only faking when she says she doesn't like to pitch.
2. Matt R. - Newcomer who earned a spot on the team through his relationship with one of our second-basewomen. Limited mobility from a severe wiffle ball injury keeps him from playing a position which requires him to move very much. This will limit him to pitcher and beer-swilling cheerleader...both positions at which he is strong.
3. Chris N. - Sporadic attendance due to having a child, living in Citrus Heights and working in Rocklin is the only thing keeping Chris from being our #1 starter. By pitching in like 40 other leagues at the same time, he has experience and accuracy rarely seen in Co-ed D League.
4. Coach Nick - In a pinch, I can get a few balls close to the plate every now and then.
Anyhow, the Solid Gold Hits have an excellent staff this season. Here are the scouting reports on this year's pitching rotation.
1. Sonya B. - Steady workhorse of the staff who has carried us to some of our most impressive wins and muddled through some of our most embarrassing defeats. I like having a female pitcher, so she'll see plenty of time on the mound this season...especially since I know she's only faking when she says she doesn't like to pitch.
2. Matt R. - Newcomer who earned a spot on the team through his relationship with one of our second-basewomen. Limited mobility from a severe wiffle ball injury keeps him from playing a position which requires him to move very much. This will limit him to pitcher and beer-swilling cheerleader...both positions at which he is strong.
3. Chris N. - Sporadic attendance due to having a child, living in Citrus Heights and working in Rocklin is the only thing keeping Chris from being our #1 starter. By pitching in like 40 other leagues at the same time, he has experience and accuracy rarely seen in Co-ed D League.
4. Coach Nick - In a pinch, I can get a few balls close to the plate every now and then.
Practice 2008 - Wrap-up
Practice 2008 was a tremendous success...at least for the Slugs who showed up early, got in some batting practice and dominated a scrimmage game against a team made from a combination of Luck Dragons, Solid Gold Hits and a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon.
The Solid Gold Hits only had six players show up and one of them left before even getting an at-bat, but I'm sure that those who were not in attendance have been sticking to a pretty strict off-season training regimen and will be ready to go for opening night.
If there were a game ball for practice, which there isn't, it would have gone to Dawn B. who, after years of peer pressure, finally caved in a showed up to a Solid Gold hits function. Sporting jeans and a fashion top, she impressed the coaching staff with her skill in the areas of hitting, throwing, batting and, most importantly, drinking. Welcome to the team DB!
I guess that's about it for practice.
The Solid Gold Hits only had six players show up and one of them left before even getting an at-bat, but I'm sure that those who were not in attendance have been sticking to a pretty strict off-season training regimen and will be ready to go for opening night.
If there were a game ball for practice, which there isn't, it would have gone to Dawn B. who, after years of peer pressure, finally caved in a showed up to a Solid Gold hits function. Sporting jeans and a fashion top, she impressed the coaching staff with her skill in the areas of hitting, throwing, batting and, most importantly, drinking. Welcome to the team DB!
I guess that's about it for practice.
March 05, 2008
Schedule Announced!
In what can quite possibly be foreshadowing of the upcoming season, I missed the "mandatory" coach's meeting because I went to the wrong place at the wrong time after drinking beer. That said, I still managed to secure a league schedule.
When I rolled into the softball office, the Co-ed meeting had been over for 10 minutes and the Women's league meeting was coming in 20 minutes. My conversation with the commissioner went like this:
Me: Sorry I missed the meeting. I kinda went to the wrong place at the wrong time after drinking beer. I'm assuming there weren't any major rule changes.
Him: There were, but I don't have time to go over them with you now. You're welcome stick around for the Women's league meeting.
Me: No thanks. Where's my schedule?
So, there's a chance that there are some rule changes, but I'm pretty sure he was bluffing. I guess we'll find out.
Also, the only team that's returning is the Luck Dragons. There are four new teams that we'll have to deal with...which is kinda scary, but it also means there is no Majority Rules. Cool.
Anyhow, here's the schedule. No 9:30 games! Woo hoo!
March 11 vs. The Bureau (I can't approve of this name) @ 6:30
March 18 vs. West Coast Builders @ 8:30
March 25 vs. Old Skool @ 7:30
April 1 vs. Luck Dragons @ 8:30
April 8 vs. Sacrilicious @ 7:30
April 15 vs. West Coast Builders @ 7:30
April 22 vs. Old Skool @ 8:30
April 29 vs. Sacrilicious @ 6:30
When I rolled into the softball office, the Co-ed meeting had been over for 10 minutes and the Women's league meeting was coming in 20 minutes. My conversation with the commissioner went like this:
Me: Sorry I missed the meeting. I kinda went to the wrong place at the wrong time after drinking beer. I'm assuming there weren't any major rule changes.
Him: There were, but I don't have time to go over them with you now. You're welcome stick around for the Women's league meeting.
Me: No thanks. Where's my schedule?
So, there's a chance that there are some rule changes, but I'm pretty sure he was bluffing. I guess we'll find out.
Also, the only team that's returning is the Luck Dragons. There are four new teams that we'll have to deal with...which is kinda scary, but it also means there is no Majority Rules. Cool.
Anyhow, here's the schedule. No 9:30 games! Woo hoo!
March 11 vs. The Bureau (I can't approve of this name) @ 6:30
March 18 vs. West Coast Builders @ 8:30
March 25 vs. Old Skool @ 7:30
April 1 vs. Luck Dragons @ 8:30
April 8 vs. Sacrilicious @ 7:30
April 15 vs. West Coast Builders @ 7:30
April 22 vs. Old Skool @ 8:30
April 29 vs. Sacrilicious @ 6:30
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